Why We React the Way We Do at Work

Our reactions at work often feel like they come out of nowhere — but they rarely do. This blog explores how early emotional experiences quietly shape our behaviour in professional settings from a psychodynamic perspective.

Introduction

Why do we sometimes react so strongly to feedback at work? Or find ourselves repeating the same relationship patterns, even when we “know better”? Many of our adult behaviours, decisions, and emotional responses can feel mystifying - until we begin to look beneath the surface. Psychodynamic counselling invites us to explore what lies underneath: the formative childhood experiences that shaped our inner world. It’s not about blame, but about understanding. And in that understanding, there’s power.

The Legacy of Childhood

Psychodynamic theory suggests that our early relationships with caregivers form the blueprint for how we relate to others and ourselves. These unconscious templates influence everything from how we handle conflict to how we experience success or failure. For example, someone who had to earn love through achievement as a child may grow up to be a high-performing professional - but might also live with a chronic fear of failure, unable to rest or feel “good enough.”

Another common pattern: adults who find it hard to trust others may have experienced inconsistent caregiving - love and affection that was unpredictable. As a result, they may keep others at arm’s length in the workplace or romantic relationships, all while feeling isolated. These behaviours often don’t “make sense” in the present day, until we look at the emotional logic of early experiences.

The Unconscious at Work

The unconscious mind is always at work - shaping our preferences, fears, and responses, often outside our awareness. A professional who becomes intensely anxious when their manager gives them neutral feedback may not be reacting to the manager at all. They might be re-experiencing an emotional script from childhood — perhaps where a parent’s disappointment felt overwhelming or love was withdrawn when they made mistakes.

Similarly, if a colleague challenges us in a meeting, we might feel disproportionately hurt or angry — not because of the colleague themselves, but because the interaction activates buried feelings of being criticised, ignored, or misunderstood.

When we begin to explore these patterns, we often find they are rooted in survival strategies that once served us - but now hold us back. What was adaptive then has become maladaptive now.

Everyday Examples

• Overworking and Overachieving
  You find it hard to switch off, driven by a deep belief that your worth is tied to output. This can stem from early experiences where love and praise were conditional on success.

• Difficulty Trusting or Delegating
  You prefer to work alone, feeling uneasy when relying on others. This might echo a childhood where support was unreliable, and being independent felt safer than being let down.

• Fear of Feedback
  Even neutral or constructive comments feel like personal attacks. You might freeze, over-apologise, or spiral into self-doubt. These reactions may be rooted in environments where mistakes were punished or met with withdrawal.

These aren’t flaws — they’re patterns. And when we understand where they come from, we can start to shift them.

And maybe you’re reading this thinking, but how do we actually shift them?

In psychodynamic counselling, we explore these patterns together — not just on a surface level, but by tracing them back to their emotional roots. Through the therapeutic relationship, we create space to notice what's playing out in the moment, reflect on where it began, and slowly start to respond differently. Change doesn't happen overnight, but over time, you can move from reacting out of old survival strategies to responding from a place of greater clarity, confidence, and emotional freedom.

Conclusion: From Insight to Change

Understanding how childhood experiences influence present-day behaviour isn’t about dwelling on the past - it’s about freeing ourselves in the present. Psychodynamic counselling provides a space to explore these long-standing patterns, make sense of them, and build a more compassionate relationship with ourselves.

By uncovering the early roots of our reactions, we gain the freedom to respond differently - not out of habit or fear, but with choice and self-awareness.

If something in this blog resonated with you, you’re not alone. Counselling offers a space to explore what’s beneath the surface — with curiosity, not judgment.

You’re welcome to get in touch with me to find out more.